"Let them eat... yogurt."

Today was no different than any other day. Woke up, got ready for work, grabbed some snacks from the kitchen and headed out to start my day. As Mondays go, today was starting out to be a good one. But as I settled in to enjoy my mid morning snack, lemon chiffon yogurt (yumm!), my fantasy-like day was abruptly brought back to reality with a huge SPLAT. The inevitable explosion of yogurt as you break the sealed aluminum barrier. And it always seems to land on everything in sight even though in reality it is only about the size of a nickel. But somehow, it extends beyond the logical range, of course finding a home smack-dab in the middle of my shirt. When did yogurt become so volatile? Is there some vindictive grocery store employee shaking all of the yogurt containers as if they were soda cans before stocking them, making them tiny dairy time-bombs? I don't remember growing up and having to don a SWAT mask prior to opening that ever dangerous container of yogurt. The container should come w/ a built in drop cloth. Or, better yet, the plastic lid should transform into a shield to ensure a safe opening experience. All you inventors out there, I beg of you, find a way to stop these senseless splats of yogurt (and wastes of a perfectly edible bite of yogurt, I might add). Make the world, once again, safe for us yogurt consumers.

All about the weekends

For some time now, I have tried to get others on board with my two day work week with a five day weekend. While people like the idea, they feel it just wouldn't quite work out logistically. Well, this week I experienced the five day weekend, unexpectedly. Sure, it took going to the ER with a kidney infection to achieve this "vacation" but I did it. A mere five days of being in absolutely excrutiating pain! But then only worked two days, and TaDa... the weekend is already here.

Okay, so maybe there is a some fault in my carrying out of my plan (in case you were wondering, a kidney infection is no way to achieve additional days off work, trust me) but I promise you, the 5-day weekend shall prevail, I promise you. Back to the drawing board.

Saving the best for last (or so you think)

As a true lover of all things edible, eating for me is not just a mere life sustaining act... it is a dance, it is an art, it is, dare I say... love!!! So anything that might taint this act of love is my true enemy. This brings me to the our topic today... the last bite of food. I treasure that last bite of whatever food I may be eating. I am not a haphazard eater, I plan my bites so that the last bite will encompass all of the best that food has to offer me. I examine that burger or burrito and eat around the parts I want to savor as my last bite. I know you may be mocking me to other people right now, but in your hearts you are thinking, "She is brilliant, why have I not been doing this all along?" And to all of you out there, I say it is not too late to start!!! But be warned, there are some last bites in which you will have no control. Let me introduce you to the BABY CARROTS.

Far too often lately I have been enjoying a handful of sweet and succulent baby carrots (mind you I am at work and have only packed myself a limited supply) and every carrot seems to be better than the previous. Impossible, you say? True, I say. But then I reach for that fateful last carrot, take a bite and what do I find? Bitter, awful, disappointment. How is it possible that the one bad carrot in the bunch always manages to elude my hand until the very end of the line, leaving the lasting flavor of YUCK in my mouth instead of the sweet, wonderful memory of all those that preceded it? And it is not just carrots, no! Beware! They have spread this malicious talent to other once wonderful snack items like cherries, strawberries, and blueberries. It is truly a crap shoot out there!!! I truly don't know how to combat this warfare. I have tried leaving that lone piece in the bag, not eating it because I know it will cause misery in the end. But I have to be honest, my will power, not that good. I see food, food was meant to be eaten, and I have always been one to follow rules. And the moment I do, it is as if the food is saying "Told you so" while I am chewing it. Powerless, I tell you. At this point, I wouldn't object to all of the carrots showing up in the bag with a bite taken out them to ensure their quality. Extreme, I do realize, but is that not the job of quality control departments, to make sure I do not end up with a bad taste in my mouth. Though I would not envy the person who had that job. "What do you do for a living?" "Oh, I taste-test carrots all day long." No fun, but everyone has to make a living somehow.

I guess I will have to continue taking those chances in life and continue eating that last bite. That's right, I'm a risk taker. I don't watch life go by, I live it!!! If any of you out there have found a weapon to stop these rebel foods, please let me know. Until then, eat well and prosper!!!

Back from Outer Sleblovia

Greetings all!!! I must apologize for the hiatus from posting here, but I guess you could say that I have been busy living life and have not had much time to write about life. I would say I am choosing the better of the two options. Wouldn't you? What a difference a month makes!

Okay, back to the blogging... I recently participated in a Krav Maga Women's Self Defense class. For those of you not in the know, Krav Maga is the hand to hand combat technique used by the Israeli Defense System. I like to call it "The Art of Cheap Shots." You basically look for an open, and might I say vulnerable spot, on your opponent/attacker and have at it with whatever you have available (aka: knee, shin, elbow, etc). Fun, huh? It was a blast!!! I felt so bad-ass after the class, I wanted to walk around in a bad neighborhood just so that some unsuspecting criminal could attack me and I could "Krav Maga" the crap out of him!!! In case you didn't notice, I am using Krav Maga as a verb, that's right, my own little variation. Gotta problem with that (she says with a glare in her eye that says she can kick anyone's butt)? I didn't think so!!! Do you see the confidence that comes with this technique (along w/ a lot of sore muscles and bruises, but that is the price you pay for fierceness, I suppose). Anyways, I am now a huge fan of the technique and am considering taking the eight week course to become even more of a threat to the forces of evil. I highly recommend it to everyone. Hopefully, they will teach me some restraint as well so that I don't go around beating everyone up just cause I can (cause I gotta be honest with you... that is kinda how I feel right now).

Well, it feels good to be back in the blogosphere. Promise not to be gone this long again. There is just too much ridiculous stuff out there that I need to comment on/make fun of.