Calling all Clumsies

Everyone has had one of those days when, at some point during the day, you realize you never should have gotten out of bed AT ALL. Well, I have had one of those WEEKS. Starting last Sunday, I should have called in sick, tucked myself into bed, nice and tight, with a stack of movies and books, and not shown myself for exactly one week. Now, to clarify, I wasn't having your typical "bad days" during this week, like failing a test or getting a speeding ticket. My bad week has been one packed full of physical beatings, both self induced and at the hand of others. Let me recount my fabulous week for you:

• Sunday: While helping Mike's parents move furniture out of almost every room in there house to have floors refinished (yeah, and by the way, Mike knew this was going to happen prior to our departure but chose not to share this with me, but thats okay, I like to help), Mike ran over my flip flop "protected" foot with a desk he was trying to slide, then he dropped a large rolled up Asian rug on my foot (which I was attached to because I was holding the shrink wrap roll that surrounded the rug, so I dropped to the ground with the rug) and then my foot was stepped on (again, with the fabulous security of a flip flop to safeguard it) while lifting a sliding glass door off the track.
• Monday: While at an honor code ceremony at school, one of my classmates pushed in a chair while leaning on it with all of his weight, not realizing that one of the legs of the chair had pinned my second toe which was exposed by my cute open toe/open back heels.
• STILL MONDAY: while leaving school (on the second floor of the building), the heel of my cute shoe broke on the first step down the cement stairs causing my knees to buckle and slam into the stairs while I slid down the cement stairs on my shins, having to throw all my weight onto my left hip to try to stop my momentum (which didn't help because I slid down the entire flight of stairs anyways). The result... two knees, shins and tops of my feet with some of the prettiest shades of blue you have ever seen, my right knee tweaked (a physical therapy term) and swollen from hitting the stairs full force, and my left hip with a bruise the size of a cantelope and more black than the night sky. I'd show a picture but the close proximity to the gluteal region might get me kicked off this site for inappropriate postings of pics.
• Tuesday: While telling the story of my fabulous and graceful fall down the stairs to my classmates... my second toe was yet again pinned under the leg of a chair while a different classmate pushed it in and leaned on it with all their weight. Seriously people, can we please forget some of the things we learned in kindergarten for the safety of my feet???
• Wednesday/Thursday: No new injuries, just a lot of aches and pains from the list above. I realize now, this was a false sense of security.
• Friday: While playing Wii at Mike's, I was walking over to hand him the remote, he stood up while I began to sit and his elbow went right into my throat, knocking me backwards (thankfully into the comfort of the giant lovesack in the living room). THEN, while trying to borrow a movie from Mike's in house Blockbuster (aka his roommates room) I slammed the inside of my ankle on the ever so soft and pliable WOODEN bedframe, right on the bone!!! (thats the medial malleolus for all my SPTs out there). Then, while pointing out to Mike, my new injury, which was turning a deep shade of purple as I spoke, I slammed my toe (same foot as the ankle injury one minute prior, and the same toe that had been smashed twice this week already) on the edge of their glass coffee table.
• Saturday: Went to the dentist for a teeth cleaning!!! Now, I know what you are saying... nuf said, right? Everyone knows that a teeth cleaning, while having no cavities (yay), is not the most comfortable thing in the world. I hear ya, and trust me when I tell you that the scraping of teeth and gums with pointy metal objects lived up to its uncomfortable expectations. But, alas my friends, I have found a new dental pain, which I am sure could only happen to me, in this week of absolute miserable physical pain. The hygenist, while scraping away, left the suction tube in a somewhat awkward position, where rather than sucking the spit out from the back of my throat as it should, was sucking violently onto the inside of my cheek. Thats right, folks! I have a giant hicky on the inside of my cheek, resulting in a swollen cheek ensuring I bite my cheek whenever I attempt to chew food.

But, as I type this, I am grateful that none of my clumsy episodes resulted in greater injuries, especially the stairs... that could have been bad. From now on, I will recognize the warning signs, and with the first sign that I might even be close to heading down the path of pain similar to this past week... I am calling in "clumsy"!!!